mugenmine | Too tired and cranky to be productive

Hrm, it's a sign. I should go to bed. When I start to doubt irrationally, it's usually time to go to bed! Today was an exhausting day. I walked 75 minutes to my doctors apt, worked all day then went to my 2 hour dress rehearsal for my performance this on Saturday :-) also somehow managed to red-pen the final section of Das Boot (a bit lazily), then hit the kinkmeme (when I should've been being productive and editing) and wound up peeking at the rant post and reading the hate and rather shocking racism, and then I thought ugh, why am I looking at this stuff? being anonymous is good sometimes and then sometimes it can be rather hateful. I should probably just stick to the kinks, it's better for the soul :-) Whenever I poke around in those side threads I end up feeling crappy. Its strange, I always find stuff I do in my fics on the list of things people hate about fics, ugh it was like, hrm I do that, and that, and that other thing... (then had minor panic attack, then got sleepy)

What I got from that wee experience (bout of silliness) is that man it's remarkable how personal writing is... I think the thing I have to take away from something like that is, we write for ourselves ultimately. I have to, because well, I write the crap I want to read. If others like it too that is icing on the cake. it shouldn't be the whole cake... though sometimes it feels like it is the whole cake... woah, that was a strange roundabout sentence. Ultimately we do want our creations to be validated. Not sure how to get around/over that one, well it's something I should work on...

Anywho, irrational (and I'm well aware of the ridiculousness of it) doubt means sleep deprivation. I know this much, so all's will be better upon the morning light and a clearer head...

40 minutes later..

AAAAND, I decided to stay up and be productive anyway. (now it's 12:48!) Sometimes the best thing to do when momentarily moody is just work hard and get things done. Finished the first edit for Das Boot, thus proving myself a sometime moody bastard, I guess this comes with being alive. :-)

(yet able to get some shit done...)

current count 10,108... will do another read through tomorrow to see how the edits are taking...