How do you write about sex?

[mugenmine]

I've been thinking about this a lot. Like all day more or less. How do you write good sex?  I've been reading a lot of REALLY good sexy fics recently and some awkward ones as well and I think that it might come down to just being comfortable not only about the topic but about just putting it on the page.  I mean you can kind of tell when someone is squicky about writing about the deed.  I was reading my first fanfic, the one that I will keep forever locked away in the dark as it's just awful. It's funny that I chose to write a Fuck or Die fic straight off. I guess it's just what people do!  I'd just discovered the kink meme *glorious day* and I was inundated with so much sexy time reading that my head exploded and I thought I must do this!  But then I tried to write it and my fuck or die story became an awkward hand job or die story which doesn't really have the same impact.  "You must give him an awkward handjob... and then you may leave with your lives..." *facepalm* (Maybe if I had put that line in the story it might have worked better!)

Though I should make that prompt on the kink meme. I'm sure someone could fill it wonderfully...

I had written sexy fics before but they were usually more dance of the 1000 fans or fade to black type or some other nonsense and I'd never really tried to write the physicality of it. So I thought how hard could it be? I've read so many sexy fics... I think it might have been around then that I realized that I didn't have a penis... which made the idea of writing about receiving a blow job seem daunting... Or writing about man parts in general seemed kind of daunting well because now I was writing about perhaps two sets of man parts and I didn't even have one set...  

So now I just research the fuck out of things. Thank god for the internet. Thank God For The Internet... I may not know how to drive a car, but I could most likely insert an anal plug into someone without killing them... why? Research...

I also read and read and read and learn new words and new kinks (like figging?  who knew this existed?? but there are no actual figs?)  and squicks and try to apply these things to my own writing. My ultimate goal (well one of many) is to make sexy time writing seem relaxed and natural, perhaps not the act in itself but the writing of it. And nailing the physical accuracy of it as well, that's key. One of my fears is that some fellow reads something I write and is like, but men can't really do that.  That shit is physically impossible! You can't detach a penis! I suppose then I could pull the fantasy card...

I think I'm getting a bit more comfortable with all of it, and what I don't know, I can look up. Sometime I just wish I could draw really well. It would make this a lot easier...

*sigh*

Comments

[percygranger]

Ah, the joys of writing gay sex when you don't have the requisite equipment. I feel your pain. I've taken examples from other fics, as well as done research, although some of the more common things in fics, like spit for lube or completely unprepared anal sex, are issues one wants to avoid. Now that I know about the basics, it bugs me to see liberties taken, but fandom is all about fantasy, like you said, so I live and let live.

Your description of your first fanfic is hilarious. I want to see the fill for that prompt now... To me, being a newbie at something means a lot of things, but mostly that you're ignorant: in fanfic, it means ignorant of the basic structures, of the comm rules, and of your own inclinations and limitations.

Random example: When I first started crocheting my second or third project was a cardigan. It turned out awfully. However, my fifth and sixth were doilies, which everyone is scared of, but I wasn't, because a) still a newbie and b) my grandma did them all the time. So now I have a really impressive skill, just because I didn't know I "should" be scared of trying. To this day, I'm much less afraid of trying new stuff, because my early experiences proved common knowledge wrong.

There's no real point in that story...except maybe that this is not life and death. There are no fanfic gods out there that will come down on you with wrathful flames if you mess up (and any human idiot that does is just being rude). Like you said, someone may point out you're writing something really hard or impossible for a real person to do, but that's what research and betas are for. I think the best thing to do, if it's at all possible, is divorce your emotions from your relative mastery of a subject. If there's a mistake, then you find out what it is, and fix it, easy-peasy. Feeling embarrassed and ashamed just wastes your time and distracts you from the important thing: the story.

And because it is apparently give my opinion day, I'll give you my thoughts on writing sex:

Writing good sex is a dance, and a matter of focus. How the characters are positioned is simply a matter of imagination and physicality, easily researched, as well as what the characters are ready for. What preparatory steps you mention depends on the relationship between the characters (first time, established relationship, how much experience both partners have), what is important to them, and what's important to you as an author (personally, I'm rather squicked by the thought of STDs, so I will mention condoms if it's in character to do so).

Then there's what "feel" do you want the story to have: gritty and real versus dreamy fantasy (and all the variants in between)? If you're aiming for reality, then congrats! All that research just paid off. You get to mention all the details, from physical and emotional changes and reactions, to the sights and sounds and smells that happen during intimate acts. Dreamy fantasy stuff, however, is, to me, rooted inside the mind. It's how the acts feel, physically and, most importantly, emotionally, that comes to the forefront. The details might be there, but they'll probably be smudged, seen through a lust-fogged viewpoint.

There is also the reason you're writing the scene. Is it a pwp for the kink meme? Then you're obviously going to focus on the physical acts that were requested, as well as the arousal of the characters. Is it part of a larger fic? Then what do you want the sex to accomplish? Does it build the relationship stronger or reveal it's weaknesses? Or is it just a hot interlude before you get back to the plot?

That's all I've got to say, I guess. Honestly, I do still find sex a challenge to write. Although I've done a few scenes, some fairly graphic, I feel I've still got quite a ways to travel before I'm an accomplished porn writer. It's nice to have a fellow writer out there to share thoughts with.

Wishing us both luck!
Percy

[mugenmine.livejournal.com]

You said it sister: I think the best thing to do, if it's at all possible, is divorce your emotions from your relative mastery of a subject. If there's a mistake, then you find out what it is, and fix it, easy-peasy. Feeling embarrassed and ashamed just wastes your time and distracts you from the important thing: the story. <-- TOTALLY!


I totally totally agree with you! I love your insight on the matter! Your gritty vs dreamy fantasy is something to think about. I think so far, I try to be a bit in the middle of it. Works well for me so far.

It's interesting, as I've only written mainly PWP. I think perhaps that might lead into plot, which will perhaps change how I write the lusty scenes, but for now its just steamy bits. It's like a study in them... It is nice to hear another person's POV on this whole things. You've been at this longer than me, so it's nice to hear how you think about these things :-)