Where I place the fics

Do (No) Harm
Draft 0/Chapter 2
@ 2500

This is very hard. Not that I'm surprised that it's hard, it's more like making an observation. Writing a long form anything, well that's hard... Much like all beginnings, or at least my attempts at beginnings they're always a mess. I'm once again parachuting blindfolded onto a moving train, the analogy still works. It will always work.  I wrote/aborted four starts before my friend told me to skip chapter 1 and go to chapter 2... If there was a text hug app I would have launched it at her. I switched to chapter 2. (It was so simple!)

So I'm struggling with a lot of things right now, just writing again after a three month hiatus adds to the pain of it.  I'm trying to sort out the voice, the POV. I'm writing a close (and younger) John POV as it's what I tend to do, but writing a close POV from a character who almost out of his head due to being in a horrible situation for years makes trying to get a clear view of what is outside of his head a bit difficult. I think I might have to back off a bit, like a semi close POV so I can make the world vivid but be in the head of someone who literally sees the world muted and muzzy. I'm still struggling with the writing of it. Juggling the shifts in his perception, going from almost a Sherlock like clarity to existing within a fog. I can't write him like I see him or there wont be much there, there... and yet there has to be a contrast to the eventual transformation that will come as his situation changes...  Not easy for me!! But it will be good for me. It's a writing puzzle. I just hope it doesn't suck. It feels sucky right now. But I have goals!

So I guess I'm just trying writing it out. I'm trying to develop John, and really work on making the main antagonist, Sebastian Moran, not so very black and white, the things he does are so fundamentally horrid, yet there has to be light/shade in him or else character fail... Still trying to get my head around his motivations and his goals, and also develop two smaller characters as well  at the moment who are a part of this John/Moran muddle. All in an extremely alternate, alternate universe. I don't even want to think about how I'm going to tackle Sherlock in all of this...  he will come with a whole slew of challanges and things that make him difficult to write... but he doesn't show up for quite some time...

I think I need to do this more often/again. It's helping me get my head around all of the crap I'm trying to figure out, even if I don't have any answers. For now all I can do is just continue with the draft zero and go back and fill in when I start to sort things out. Also fuck me, fight writing is hard, and there is soooooo much fight writing that will need to be done. Why did I think this would be easy?